My relationship with food has always been a dysfunctional one. This past weekend I didn’t make great food choices. I take that back, Friday evening I had sushi, and I don’t think any roll I sampled was particularly bad for me especially since I don’t eat sushi that often. Saturday after walking around Iroquois Park with friends I was starving. Unfortunately, I had to go to the grocery to pick up things for what would’ve been a healthy dinner: veggie lasagna. After picking up ingredients for dinner I stopped at the Wendy’s drive thru because it was about 3pm and I needed to eat something. My diet coke ended up being a Coke as I pulled away from the window. I don’t particularly like Coke products anyway so drinking regular coke was enough to turn my appetite off. I didn’t eat much of what I ordered; 1/2 of my burger and maybe a handful of fries. Still it would’ve been a few hundred calories. I made dinner and probably ate too much bread before the lasagna finished cooking. Cue to 10pm and meeting up with a girlfriend at Qdoba. I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t want to be at home, and being out with a friend is always better. I had no plan to order anything and after I got there I ordered food. What the hell! I got through 1/3 of it and was wondering why I was eating this, especially since a good portion of it is just an extra large tortilla and rice. I stopped myself and felt disgusted.
Sunday comes and I eat fairly healthy. I had some sort of homemade Japanese noodle soup that my brother-in-law made for lunch and left over lasagna for dinner. I still got over my goal in steps for the day, but I had to drag myself to walk that morning, and even then I only did half of what I normally did.
Monday was the worst. I’ve found if I don’t eat breakfast as soon as I get up and then go for a walk I’ll put it off most of the day. I got my walk in even though I was miserable that entire hour. I had to watch my niece that afternoon and evening so me being cranky + 6 year old who is equally cranky = both of us wanting to go cry in a corner. For a snack after school, Emi wanted ice cream. I love ice cream. I thought about it and I haven’t had ice cream in about 6 weeks. WHAT?! I should note, I haven’t been depriving myself of any food during this whole process, but I haven’t had a craving for it or been anywhere specifically for ice cream. We stopped at Baskin Robbins and I was let down by the options. I decided not to get anything especially since I have a Comfy Cow coupon I need to use. If I’m going to have ice cream, I’d rather wait and go somewhere I’ll actually enjoy every single calorie of it. I didn’t have a snack after lunch so at this point I’m starving. When I got home, I ate a few chips..next nuts…next grapes… It’s getting gradually better, right? lol I had two dinners that night followed by anything I could get my hands on after dinner and finally I decided I would just go to bed. I was binging!
Tuesday morning I wasn’t in a good place. I made breakfast and decided after breakfast I would take a nap in hopes that I’d wake up in a better mood. Instead of sleeping, I laid there watching a special on people with strange addictions: people who’ve eaten lightbulbs, couch cushions, toilet paper, etc. and suddenly I felt the tiniest bit better about myself. I mustered up some energy to walk and felt so accomplished after I finished. I thought about a lot of things but mainly: why did I binge, and why are you beating yourself up over it especially when you’ve come this far? Maybe I was indeed hungry on Monday and that was my body’s way of saying “You’re not eating enough for the amount you’re exercising” and I was making poor food choices to compensate, or maybe it stems from the emotional eating I’ve done in the past. Either way I just need to accept that it happened, dust myself off, and move on. By the end of the day, I walked a little over 5 miles. I was back!
Tuesday evening, I was testing out an outfit for the date I have on Friday (same guy from last week — I guess he has nothing better to do! heh). I haven’t worn this dress and the belt that goes with it since May so I wanted to make sure it still looked OK. I don’t really remember how the dress fit because it’s made out of stretchy material and so it’s hard to judge. I looked at the belt before putting it on with the dress to see which hole I was using before, and when I put it on I was down two holes and there are no holes after this one (!!)
Seeing accomplishments like this make me feel awesome and like all of my hard work is paying off. So why was I letting the one misstep bring me down for a couple days? I took this image from another website but I wanted to pass it along. Just something to think about…