Me vs. Food

My relationship with food has always been a dysfunctional one. This past weekend I didn’t make great food choices. I take that back, Friday evening I had sushi, and I don’t think any roll I sampled was particularly bad for me especially since I don’t eat sushi that often. Saturday after walking around Iroquois Park with friends I was starving. Unfortunately, I had to go to the grocery to pick up things for what would’ve been a healthy dinner: veggie lasagna. After picking up ingredients for dinner I stopped at the Wendy’s drive thru because it was about 3pm and I needed to eat something. My diet coke ended up being a Coke as I pulled away from the window. I don’t particularly like Coke products anyway so drinking regular coke was enough to turn my appetite off. I didn’t eat much of what I ordered; 1/2 of my burger and maybe a handful of fries. Still it would’ve been a few hundred calories. I made dinner and probably ate too much bread before the lasagna finished cooking. Cue to 10pm and meeting up with a girlfriend at Qdoba. I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t want to be at home, and being out with a friend is always better. I had no plan to order anything and after I got there I ordered food. What the hell! I got through 1/3 of it and was wondering why I was eating this, especially since a good portion of it is just an extra large tortilla and rice. I stopped myself and felt disgusted.

Sunday comes and I eat fairly healthy. I had some sort of homemade Japanese noodle soup that my brother-in-law made for lunch and left over lasagna for dinner. I still got over my goal in steps for the day, but I had to drag myself to walk that morning, and even then I only did half of what I normally did.

Monday was the worst. I’ve found if I don’t eat breakfast as soon as I get up and then go for a walk I’ll put it off most of the day. I got my walk in even though I was miserable that entire hour. I had to watch my niece that afternoon and evening so me being cranky + 6 year old who is equally cranky = both of us wanting to go cry in a corner. For a snack after school, Emi wanted ice cream. I love ice cream. I thought about it and I haven’t had ice cream in about 6 weeks. WHAT?! I should note, I haven’t been depriving myself of any food during this whole process, but I haven’t had a craving for it or been anywhere specifically for ice cream. We stopped at Baskin Robbins and I was let down by the options. I decided not to get anything especially since I have a Comfy Cow coupon I need to use. If I’m going to have ice cream, I’d rather wait and go somewhere I’ll actually enjoy every single calorie of it. I didn’t have a snack after lunch so at this point I’m starving. When I got home, I ate a few chips..next nuts…next grapes… It’s getting gradually better, right? lol I had two dinners that night followed by anything I could get my hands on after dinner and finally I decided I would just go to bed. I was binging!

Tuesday morning I wasn’t in a good place. I made breakfast and decided after breakfast I would take a nap in hopes that I’d wake up in a better mood. Instead of sleeping, I laid there watching a special on people with strange addictions: people who’ve eaten lightbulbs, couch cushions, toilet paper, etc. and suddenly I felt the tiniest bit better about myself. I mustered up some energy to walk and felt so accomplished after I finished. I thought about a lot of things but mainly: why did I binge, and why are you beating yourself up over it especially when you’ve come this far? Maybe I was indeed hungry on Monday and that was my body’s way of saying “You’re not eating enough for the amount you’re exercising” and I was making poor food choices to compensate, or maybe it stems from the emotional eating I’ve done in the past. Either way I just need to accept that it happened, dust myself off, and move on. By the end of the day, I walked a little over 5 miles. I was back!

Tuesday evening, I was testing out an outfit for the date I have on Friday (same guy from last week — I guess he has nothing better to do! heh). I haven’t worn this dress and the belt that goes with it since May so I wanted to make sure it still looked OK. I don’t really remember how the dress fit because it’s made out of stretchy material and so it’s hard to judge. I looked at the belt before putting it on with the dress to see which hole I was using before, and when I put it on I was down two holes and there are no holes after this one (!!)

Seeing accomplishments like this make me feel awesome and like all of my hard work is paying off. So why was I letting the one misstep bring me down for a couple days? I took this image from another website but I wanted to pass it along. Just something to think about…

Comments (9)

  1. There does seem to be a pattern of not eating and then finding yourself eating things you are not happy about. Eat! If it means eating breakfast before you go for your walk, do it! A day of missteps – even a week of missteps – is not going to set you back that far. I’m proud of you!

    Reply
    Roy - October 20, 2011
    1. Thanks, lovey!

      Reply
      Pam - October 26, 2011
  2. I wouldn’t necessarily characterize your relationship with food as dysfunctional in and of itself. It’s probably more accurate to say you have dysfunctional relationship with *eating*, but don’t feel too bad because I’ve yet to meet a person who doesn’t have that same problem! Let me give you an example:

    I know that I’m far from a big guy, but I also know that I can’t ride the gravy train of a good metabolism forever. I also know that just because I don’t gain much weight no matter what I eat doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to eat healthier foods and reasonable quantities at reasonable times. But absolutely I fight the urge to eat at all hours of the day. Just because I am bored and there is food available doesn’t mean I need to eat, but my brain and my stomach are having a hard time making that connection. I have to remind myself “why are you doing this??” every time I catch myself reaching into my desk drawer for a piece of dark chocolate. It’s not because I can’t enjoy a couple pieces of dark chocolate here and there. It’s because I shouldn’t indulge if I’m not really, truly hungry at the moment. Otherwise, I won’t even really enjoy it, and it will be that unnecessary snacking that I won’t really miss at all if I can learn how to eliminate the habit. And this applies just as much to a piece of fruit as it does a piece of chocolate. If your body doesn’t need the extra food at that time, don’t eat anyway. There will be plenty of time for that later in the day! Of course skipping a meal isn’t any better. Your body doesn’t like that and you’ll pay for it later. (Like I’m doing right now since I didn’t eat any breakfast this morning, which is unusual for me.)

    You are doing a great job of keeping your goals in mind and realizing what you are doing, Pam. Don’t stop to second-guess yourself on every slip-up along the way. You’re human. You are going to screw up and have that extra handful of potato chips every once in a while. Stop just long enough to recognize you don’t need to do it next time, and don’t dwell on it. Keep the end goal in mind, and even then don’t have just reaching that goal as your plan. Keep thinking about reaching and maintaining the weight loss and healthy lifestyle that will make you happier and feeling better for years to come.

    Reply
    Dan - October 20, 2011
    1. Dan, thanks for the feedback! You are very blessed with a nice figure naturally – I do hate you a little for it! 😉 Thank you for joining me for a walk last weekend, it’s always helpful when I have people to keep me going! By the way, dark chocolate is good for you, right? ;D

      Reply
      Pam - October 26, 2011
  3. Refreshingly honest post. If you can learn why you are beating yourself up for not being “perfect” then you will be unstoppable.

    Reply
    Chris - October 20, 2011
    1. Thanks, Chris! You’re doing an awesome job on your fitness journey, by the way!

      Reply
      Pam - October 26, 2011
  4. Yes, stick with it Pam! The feeling of accomplishment far outweighs the sweetness of a cupcake, or ice cream, or whatever you happen to be craving. I always find the guilt of eating bad foods outweighs how good it tastes — it’s never worth it. Of course, I still mess up now and again, but my attitude towards food has drastically changed in the last 6 months. Whoo, keep it up.

    Reply
    Ashley - October 20, 2011
    1. I’ve definitely noticed my attitude towards food has changed in this short time. I don’t crave some of the things I used to crave anymore which is nice. Thanks for stopping by to comment, I appreciate the feedback and you look great as always! 🙂

      Reply
      Pam - October 26, 2011
  5. Re: your latest post about, “My relationship with food has always been a dysfunctional one.”

    Girl I hear ya! Actually, the Wendy’s is better than not eating at all and they fact that you only ate half, GREAT JOB! You just have to figure out what triggers you non-eat/eat binges. There is something there.

    That was was so hard because you ate fast food and all the sodium that goes in it. Really makes it a fit the next day.

    Just stay strong, you are doing WONDERFUL!

    Yours in weight loss goals,
    ~Lee~

    Reply
    Ms. Lee Moon - November 1, 2011

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